Broken and Fixed Again
by Bloody-Destination
Summary: Kylo Ren made a different choice when he asked his father to help him in that fateful moment on Starkiller Base. SPOILERS ahead and speculation for future films. I have decided to continue this. Update will be Feb 1.
1. Chapter 1

**Broken And Fixed Again**

 **Kylo Ren made a different chose when he asked his father to help him in that fateful moment on Starkiller Base. I do not know if I am planning on continuing this.**

He was being torn apart. Never sure anymore of who he was. Kylo Ren or Ben Solo? His mind said Kylo, destined to be a worthy and powerful Sith. But it was his heart that fought for dominance as Ben. He was week, his Master said he was weak.

This was to be his Trial of Sacrifice, to kill that which he loves most. But now, with his father facing him, unshed tears in his eyes, and forgiveness in his voice, he could not.

"I know what I have to do…"

He couldn't fight anymore and his father was so close. He could remember when he was just a boy. The first time his father let him sit on his lap in the Falcon at four. The first story he could remember of his father telling of his adventures aboard the infamous ship at five. The first time he Force-Moved the kitchen table at six. And his father always looked on with pride in his eyes and praise on his lips.

"I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do it."

How true that was. It was a war in his mind, even now, as he holds his Lightsaber out, the Dark whispering sweet nothings of death and hate in his ear, wanting Han Solo's blood. It was a roar that felt as if it would consume him and never let go. It was anger, electricity, the all-consuming fire, the twisting knife.

The Light was so much quieter though but maybe, that was what it's power was. A humming softness that spoke of love and peace, as if holding out a calming hand, to sweep him away from the Darkness. No matter how loud the Dark was, the Light was always there at the back of his mind. It was a soft breeze, a soft touch, comfort, a parent's love.

His eyes were locked with his father's, as the man grasped the 'Saber in his own hands. He could not do this anymore. It was killing him. If this continued, he may never find who he truly was and what destiny wanted for him.

"Will you help me?" His voice broke then, eyes breaking away for a second as tears threatened to fall.

He could see the traitor and girl high above, watching on with fear in their eyes. For his father most likely, scared that he made a mistake in confronting him. He was not sure if they were right, yet. He needed to breath, needed the strength to do what was necessary. He looked back down, eyes connecting briefly with the Wookie's. He was so close, blaster at the ready should anything happen to his closest friend.

His eyes are drawn back, though, almost immediately to his father's as he steps even closer, gripping the Lightsaber as hard as he could, hoping maybe that if he doesn't let go, his son won't be able to disappear. But that isn't his choice.

"Anything." His voice is like broken glass, wanting anything for Kylo Ren to be Ben Solo once more and not the evil bastard that has done heinous acts in the name of the First Order and the Sith.

He feels them, then. The tears that haven't shed, finally uncontrollable at the sound of his father's heartbroken voice. And suddenly, the whisper of the Light has become so much stronger and the tendrils of Dark screeching in pain at such a beautiful feeling. He feels his mother for a second, reaching out into the force, finding a way through his shields now that the Light has a firm grasp on him.

 _It's alright, Ben._ What a beautiful voice, his mother's voice and the tears came fiercer and a sob ripped from his throat as he could almost feel her hand caressing his cheek, wiping away the tears.

 _It's alright, my sweet boy._

"It's alright, son." His father this time, as if hearing his wife's words, "I would do anything for you to come back to me and your mother."

He shook his head then, "I can never come back." His father's grip tightened, the strain of his gloves easily heard, "But I cannot stay either."

He asked again, "Will you help me?"

It took longer this time for the man to answer, heart break clearly felt through the Force, even as the calming aura of his mother's presence washed over the two of them.

He did answer, though, repeating once more, "Anything."

He nodded then, letting go of the Lightsaber and taking a step back, "Leave, run away and never come looking for me again." And another step back.

That is when the first blaster went off and the roar of a Wookie echoed off the metal walls.

"Run!" He screamed, not just to his father, but the three others watching on, firing their own blasts at the storm troopers.

His father was still standing there, covering him from fire. But he was not defenseless, even without his Lightsaber. Perhaps, that was his crutch, the 'Saber. No, his real strength was in the Force he freely manipulated.

He raised his hands, fingers spread wide and suddenly everything was still, bolts frozen in air and halfway out of their blasters, bodies held still in panicked confusion.

"I said run!" His voice loud over the quiet that had only seconds ago been mayhem.

His father looked back at him, and he could see the refusal on his lips. _Liar._ He thought. _You said anything._

But he did not let the man deny his request. One hand moved from its prone position, only needing one to hold the Stormtroopers and bolts in place. He pushed outward with some effort to be as gentle as possible, something he has never done before. Despite this, his father still flew far faster than what he had meant to but the Wookie caught him.

"Take him and leave." He pulled his hand back and a jerky wave and the detonator flew from fury hands and into his, "Or you'll be blown away as well."

Chewie nodded, reluctance felt in the Force, but still he turned swiftly and took the struggling man with him. The two above followed shortly, giving him a short look. He did not wait though. He breathed in deeply and in a swift push, the bolts were flung back, hitting all the Stormtrooper's directly in the center of their chests.

He made his way quickly out the door, sure that the others were already moving swiftly through the snow to the Falcon some ways off. He was almost certain it was his father's ship that lay beyond the

distance. But that was not his goal. He turned swiftly to the right and began to run, the detonator heavy in his hands. When he was sure he was far enough away, he pressed the button.

The explosion rocked the ground, nearly sending him sprawling. He stayed on his feet through with the help of the Force and continued running. He could hear the X-wings swooping in and he picked up the pace. It was only a matter of time before the turmoil began in the base. He could see the hanger up ahead, nearly deserted with how many of the TIA fighters had already been launched.

He could feel it now, the warm buzz of the Millennium Falcon's engine. They would be safe and on their way to the Resistance. His father would may never forgive him for this, for forcing him to abandon his son. His mother though, she has not left him since their bond had been opened through the Light. Chewie, he was never sure about, but one thing he knew was that the Wookie would take care of those he loved no matter what and for that, he was thankful.

The traitor, he was a different story. It was weak, but the Force was there, swimming just under the surface, ready to be trained. He may not be a prodigy, but he had a Destiny that was far more meaningful than any he could have hoped for. The boy would grow to be a fine Jedi should he chose.

It was the girl, though, he worried for. His Master-former, he would hope-was interested in her. He knew that now. She was powerful, mastering the Force, even in such an imperfect way as that, should have been impossible. Able to turn his mind against him during her interrogation. He doubted even his mother, with all her familiarity with the force, could have stopped him from seeing her into her mind.

He knew now why, though. The familiarity of the girl had been nagging at his mind, trying to connect the dots. It was only now that the light returned to him that her presence fully registered. She was, after all, her father's daughter. He did not doubt, should she seek teachings from her father, she would one day out class them all. And Snoke would seek to corrupt her just as the Sith Lord had done to him. The girl was stronger than him though. She would not succumb so easily. He had faith, something the Darkness never allowed for.

He reached the hanger bay and was immediately overwhelmed with the panic. He should have expected this, but in his rush, he had not thought of the many First Order personnel seeking escape. It was madness, none even paying the boy any attention in their dash for freedom from the imploding planet.

 _Calm, child._ It was his mother's voice, once more, _The Force will guide you. Clear your mind._

He closed his eyes, following his mother's words. Words she had spoken hundreds of times throughout his childhood. He knew them to be true as always they were. He walked on, feeling the pull that he had denied for so many years, eyes closed and ears shut out from the fearful men and women around him. He bumped into several bodies but never stopped moving until the pull finally subsided.

He opened his eyes and found himself facing a ship. It was old, one of the many cargo ships that brought in supplies, but this was before the base had been finished and was likely not used since the planet sized Death Star had been created. It would be completely undetectable from any scanners the First Order ships had. They would be monitoring for X-wings and TIA fighters, and other battle speeders. Not a ship with so little offense capabilities and not enough upgrades to register as hostile.

As he made off with the ship, along with thousands of other fleeing crafts, he looked back as the planet was engulfed in the very energy used to destroy so many lives taking with it only a fraction of the forces the First Order has. But he was happy none the less, overcome with the suddenly very strange feeling that he had not felt since before he was ten and being sent away to his uncle's Jedi Academy to control his growing powers. A time back when he and his mother and father were happy together. A time when there was no war, or Sith, or First Order.

He looked on as what appeared to be a sun formed in front of his eyes. He was not sure if the ball of flames and gases would keep it's shape with how it had been created, but it was a fitting end for the Starkiller Base.

He slipped away, unnoticed as the thousands of ships went to refuge with the First Order Star Destroyers. Already, the massive ships were coming in bulk all too late to put the fight in their favor. It was over and even now, he could feel the furious at the back of his mind, that small piece of him still holding onto the Dark Side. His former Master's anger was like a tidal wave, pushing against his consciousness. For once, he wished he had his uncle's Will to push back against the Dark that threatened to pull him right back in.

Until his mind was his again, he would need to cut all ties with the Force, Dark and Light. And just as his hand hovered over the hyper drive, his mind, like a vice, cut all connections from the very thing that made him who he was. It was like ten thousand bolts of Force Lightning coursing through his veins. He screamed out in agony, along with his mother's frightened cry as everything went dark. He was only vaguely away that the hyper-drive had been engaged and the swirling blue was the last thing he saw before he passed out.

 **END**

 **I have, if any of you haven't noticed, a shit load of other stuff I am working on and I really haven't updated any of my works in quiet awhile. I feel super bad but I just couldn't help writing this right after I went to go see the movie. It was so freaking sad when Han died and I feel like they did not do Ben Solo justice.**


	2. Flashbacks

**Flashback**

 **I am going to be having regular flashback chapters. This chapter is just a collective of short flashbacks that can't really make up a whole chapter. The flashbacks in other chapters will be of either a single memory or a collection of related memories unlike this one.**

The earliest member Ben had was when he was three, nearly going on four. He could not recall what planet they had been on at the time. But it was the first clear picture he had of when his family was whole and perfect. It was warm, possible that planets summer cycle, covered in sparkling sand and crystal beaches. Mountains of diamonds covered in frost overlooked the terrain.

It was a family vacation, the first, his mother had told him, with the entire family. Even Uncle Luke, back before he was the strict Jedi Master with overbearing expectation. What his memory showed was a loving uncle who held him on strong shoulders and laughed at the way he splashed in the water. Uncle Chewie was there also. Always the playful babysitter when his parents wanted time for themselves.

It is one of his fondest memories as Ben Solo. It was one of the very few times that they were together like that, as a family. With his mother's duty to the Senate and New Alderaan, and his father's need for adventure constantly leading him off planet, their time as a family was few and far between.

 **ccccc**

It was years later, he recalled, when his father told him the story that, could have possibly, been the start of his downward spiral. He remembered his mother not wanting him to know the final years of the war between the Rebel Alliance and the Empire. But his mother was away, Uncle Chewie was visiting his home world, only recently having been cleared of all Empire influence. And Uncle Luke was only just starting his Jedi Academy, off searching for those powerful in the Force.

So his father was stuck at home, this home being the one on Coruscant, a Condo so high up, to the young child, it felt like it was touching the sky. He was five, now. He felt like he had the right to know such important family history. Ben refused to sleep until he heard the story, and his father was adamant enough to want the boy in bed as fast as possible.

Han spoke of the great adventures he, Leia, and Luke went on to free the Galaxy from the Evil Empire. The tales and sacrifice of the strange old man, he was named after and his mother's rescue from the Death Star. His all inspiring duel with the Huts, assuring his son there was little exaggeration when he fought hand to hand with the most deadly bounty hunter of all time. He had even spoken of the little he knew of Uncle Luke's Jedi training with the weird green hermit.

It was not until the end, where the tale of the man masked in shadows and Darkness, that Ben Solo truly felt a connection to this story. His grandfather, the one who brought balance to the Force, destroying the false Emperor and saving his son. He didn't even feel this link when thinking of his namesake. Even when listening to all of the evils he had carried out, the lives he had destroyed, even those on his children.

Ben could read between the lines, how the man, his grandfather, only wanted to bring peace, whatever the consequences. All the pain and suffering he endured, was for the protection of his family and what he thought was right. To others, Darth Vader was only ever a hero at the end of his life. But to Ben Solo, the man only ever spread peace. To unify the Galaxy under one rule, to stop the bickering of a slow and tedious Senate. It would have been, had he succeeded, the complete and utter annihilation of war.

His father only laughed at him, saying that was the ideal of a child's mind. But Ben disagreed. It shouldn't be an ideal. it almost wasn't.

It was at this point, the young Ben Solo realized his purpose, his destiny. He would finish what his grandfather started. He would bring Peace to the Galaxy.

 **cccccc**

It wasn't so long after that, a year and a half at most, that he first used the Force. It was days till his seventh birthday. Uncle Luke was coming to visit for the first time since their family vacation. He couldn't wait to see his uncle and what presence he brought back from his many adventures, just like his father whenever Han return from his trips. He hoped it was a pet. His mother said no, but he was getting lonely with his parents leaving more often.

Uncle Lando said he would stop by also. He saw even less from the mining colony leader than he did of his biological uncle. Cloud City was very demanding on it's leader after operations had started up again after the war, Ben had been told. Plus, the Outer Rim was too far away from any one of their homes to travel to on a regular basis.

There was also something else none of them told Ben. It wasn't often he would catch quiet whispers of a building army and even quieter words of a Resistance. It was why some guests called his mother and Uncle Lando, and on some occasions his father, General.

He wasn't sure what it meant but it didn't matter because his mother and father would be home for the next few days, Uncle Chewie was staying with them, and not as a babysitter, Uncle Luke was bringing presents, hopefully, and Uncle Lando had promised to teach him how to gamble and let him wear his cape.

He and Uncle Chewie were playing hide and seek, one of the funner games for Ben because the fur ball was terrible at the game. He was even more encouraged when his father was watching him from the kitchen door, drink in hand with a playful, amused smile. He could smell dinner cooking, his mother just beyond the door way.

His father pointed towards the table, visible from where both could stand in the dining room. The table was small, but big enough to hide a wookie, with a long table cloth with furry hands and feet poking out through the bottom. Ben smiled happily as he ran into the room, easily peaking his head under the curtain with a loud:

"Found you!"

The Wookie startles, scurrying away from the child. There is a guttural roar from the beast.

"Nah-ah!" Ben called out, "It's not hide and seek tag. It's just hide and seek."

Another roar.

"That's not fair. You're cheating." Ben ran around the table anyway, as did the Wookie, much faster on longer legs. They made several more cycles around the table before Ben was out of breath, staring accusingly at Uncle Chewie, "Dad, make Uncle Chewie stop cheating."

His dad only laughed from his vantage point, refusing to get involved. Ben was angry, as if something inside of him was bubbling. And then he felt it, as if he didn't need to run around the table to get the Wookie. As if he could just...life the table out of the way.

And somehow, one moment, Ben was looking over a table that was nearly taller than he was and the next, in the blink of an eyes, the table was gone. His young mind thought nothing of it as he ran forward, tagging the soft fur.

"You're it!" He said happily.

He heard a glass breaking, his head snapping over to his father, the cup smashed to little bits at his feet and his father's gaping mouth. His smile fell then, his gaze backing from his father to the furry creature in front of him.

The same look on his father's face, was also on the Wookie's, but his gaze was not focused on him, but high above the both of them. Ben followed his gaze to the ceiling, and there, floating in lazy circles, was the dining room table.

A voice is what brought all three of them out of their daze, "Han, is something wrong? What is-"

His mother trailed of, as Ben looked to her in slight wonder and confusion. She looked at him with worry and something else, something his six year old mind didn't understand at the time, but he would later view it as apprehension. Over what, he could never be sure, not unless he asked, and he knew he never would.

Then he heard a shout, one of joy, "Did you see that, Chewie!" It was his father and he looked over at the smile on his face, "I don't even think Luke could do that at three times his age."

A second later the table dropped, legs breaking to pieces, the vase centerpiece toppling over and shattering onto the floor. His eyes never left his mother's, even as he began to shake on his feet and she rushed to him. He gladly collapsed into her arms.

"I don't feel so good, mother." His voice was horse, drained of energy and he blacked out.

 **CCCCCC**

After that incident, his parent fought often, not loudly, or aggressively. Uncle Luke would occasionally be involved. It was about him, he knew. They wanted to send him away, to his uncle's academy. His mother thought he needed training, to control his powers, his father didn't want to send him away at only seven.

His uncle never agreed or disagreed with either. But he was showing up more often, once every few weeks to check on him. He would show him tricks that he could practice while he was away, taught him the art to meditating. Ben didn't very much like it, but it helped with the headaches. It was natural, his uncle had said and would go away with time, whether he chose to be a Jedi or not. He would get use to his awakening powers.

They would ask Ben often what he wanted to do. But he was only a child, he didn't understand really what they were asking. What he understood was that they wanted to send him away. His father told him how amazing his abilities were, so why, then, did he want to send his only son halfway across the Galaxy.

 **CCCCCC**

It is after this also, that Ben would hear the voice of his downfall years before he will ever actually be able to put a face to him. It did not start as a voice, never encouraged or dissuaded, always just a feeling at the back of his thoughts. It never sounded like anything at first, not a voice that should belong to a person.

It soon moved into dreams. He could tell, could sense the same feelings as he did while awake. He would never remember the dreams, just flashes. Cold steel, long dark halls and fear, always fear and anger.

He never tells his parents. They only suspect nightmares and he never corrects them. He's far too young to actually understand what is going on, to know just what, or rather who, is touching his mind. They're arguments are becoming more with each passing week. Not severe in nature, but as the arguments increase, so goes seeing both parents together and more so apart.

The voice comforts, once it actually does start to become a voice and not just a haunting presence. It was rare, though, that the voice would talk to him, sounding weak as if at a great distance. He would hear the voice weeks, sometimes months apart. But the voice always came back, always whispered reassurance in his ears when Ben was at his lowest.

The voice called him friend, called him powerful, assured him he had a place in the Galaxy. He would find it one day, that the voice would help guide him. Always imploring Ben to seek him out when he was older.

And Ben would listen.

 **CCCCCC**

He remembers the first actual fight his parents had that should have had nothing to do with Ben and yet was entirely his doing. He was eight and a half. They had decided to stay on New Alderaan for several months so as to give Ben a chance at a normal, steady childhood before they sent him off. He had just been dropped off by his mother's personal driver. The house was not a modest one, his mother wanting to model it after her parents palace from the first Alderaan. It was small though, but luxurious, with a lush garden surrounding the house.

Ben didn't want to leave here. He like this place, the peace of it that a city would never give. But he knew, once the school year let out, they would return to Coruscant so that Senator Organa could continue her duties to the planet and Galaxy. This was one of the closest times he had gotten to stability in the last few years, not since before his powers had first awoken.

Today, though, was a good day. He hadn't gotten into any fights, hadn't accidentally Force-pushed any of the kids through windows, or walls. No tables were floating by themselves. He had even refrained from reading anyone's minds. If he told his parents this then maybe they would rethink sending him away.

He ran in the door, intending on finding his parents straight away to tell them the good news. But something was wrong. He could feel it in the air, something he was starting to associate with his parents' moods. Today was not a good day for them. He walked through the house, still intent on finding his parents. The kitchen, his senses supplied and he made his way through the living room to the arched, stone door into the dining room.

There was no door between the kitchen and the dining room, just a large stone arch way that most of the house was made from. He stopped just before the opening to the kitchen, being as close as he could without being seen.

"-running away again." It was his mother's voice. She didn't sound happy, her voice almost a yell, "I thought you were done with that."

"That's not fair and you know it. What do you expect me to do? Stay here like a good house husband while you get to go off halfway across the Galaxy?" He father was also shouting.

There was a bitter laugh from Leia, "Is that what this is?"

"Oh, please, do tell. What is this, _princess_?" His voice was mocking, more vicious then Ben had ever heard his father.

"I don't leave my home for some far off world because I want to. But you." She paused and something clanked into the sink loudly, "You want any chance you can get to leave on some exciting adventure to save some damsel in distress and make half the Galaxy's underworld want you dead."

"Because I can't stand they way you always give me that cold shoulder. Just like now." His voice rises, "Like now, I'll be gone for two days and all of a sudden I'm abandoning our family. But you, you on the other hand will leave for weeks, or drag us to ten different planets in a single week and you expect us to see no big deal."

"Don't you dare make this my fault." She hisses out, "I do everything I can to keep us together."

"And I don't? Is that it?" He asks in a bitter tone, "I'm the one tearing this family apart and you are the only one keeping us together. If it wasn't for the mighty Princess Leia, mighty Senator, doing everything she can to keep us together then what?"

There is a cracking noise followed by glass shattering and a wave of anger in the Force, "How dare you! You think this is easy for me? You think I want to leave my family, you and Ben? You know that isn't what I meant. So stop turning my words against me."

Her voice breaks, and Ben knows his mother is crying now, silently though because even though he cannot see it, the Force is buzzing with raw emotions. Even his untrained senses could feel this.

"Leia..." His voice is quieter and there is a rustle of clothing. He thinks they are hugging now, "Sweet heart, I don't mean any of it. I know you try, how hard it is on you. Please, I'm sorry."

"You've just been leaving so much lately." She says quietly, muffled as if Han is holding her so close that she can barely talk, "I just picture every time you leave will be the last time I see you. Back on Bespin, when you were captured, I thought I would never see you again. I just picture that every time you leave."

They is silent now and Ben can't stand it anymore. He finally realizes that he's shaking. This is the first real fight he's ever heard from him parents before. They've never raised their voices at each other. And even though this isn't like one of the arguments they've had about him it still feels like he was the cause.

"It's been a while since you've lost this much control." His father jokes and his mother laughs, "When was the last time you used your magical mumbo jumbo to break something?"

"You are the one who's going to be cleaning it up so don't get too snippy with me." She laughs again at something Ben can't see and he realizes its time for him to leave. When he is back in the living room, he decides to call out.

"I'm home!" And promptly heads to his room.

The next day, two desks explode in class, a window shatters and three kids flout directly to the ceiling on two separate occasions, and an incident with the class pet. No one is injured but his parents are called and he is sent home early. He never got a chance to tell his parents about the day before. He gets a lecture on control and there is another argument about sending him away. Ben cries himself to sleep that night.

He wishes that the voice would come back soon. He wants to dream of that ship again, large and daunting and the hundreds of rows of men in white. He wants to be anywhere but here, anywhere that doesn't hate him where he cannot hurt the people he cares for.

 **CCCCCC**

He could see the worry on his mother's face as his powers grew as months turned into years. It was decided though, after his tenth birthday, that he would be sent off to train with the Jedi. There weren't very many, they had said, so he would see his uncle every day.

"If you ever wanna come home, kid, just give me a call." His father had said when Uncle Luke's ship could be seen in the distance, "I will come get you no matter what. I will fly across the Galaxy for you."

When his father let him go, his mother gathered him into her arms, "I love you so much." She whispered, holding him tight, "You'll be taught how to control your powers, no more Force-lifting your bed while sleeping or hearing other's thoughts."

"Will you come to visit?" He asked, adjusting the pack with the very few possessions he was allowed to take with him.

His parents shared a look, his father grabbing his mother around the shoulders as she answers, "Your uncle says as little contact with us is for the best. Attachment is okay, but too much will hinder your training."

He feels tears forming in his eyes. They both bend down to his level. His father's hand is on his face, gently holding his cheek and wiping away a stray tear. His hand doesn't leave though.

"None of that." He says with an encouraging smile that doesn't quite touch his eyes, "We'll still call. Everyday. How does that sound?"

Ben nods and he can hear the ship now, minutes from landing now.

"We want nothing more than to keep you here, Ben." His mother starts, but he doesn't give her a chance to finish.

"Then why are you sending me away? If you really wanted me to stay then you would." He practically pleads, "You're the Senator of New Alderaan. No one, not even a Jedi can make you give me up."

And that was probably also the reason why he was never kicked out of school, even after he had Force-pushed a girl through a wall and broken her arm.

His father sighed, rubbing gently at his cheek, "It's not that simple, Ben. You need training. We can't keep doing this. You aren't only breaking things but also endangering yourself and others. Tell me, if someone else was reading your mind, on accident or on purpose, wouldn't you be angry?"

"I guess." He mumbled because he honestly doesn't, the voice does but that is his own secret and he doesn't plan on telling his parents, or Uncle Luke.

The ship finally landed and his uncle walks out, giving him a hug, as well as to his sister and brother-in-law. After a brief talk between the three, his father hands him a brand new comm link, told to call whenever, and was led on to the small ship, big enough only for the two of them. He cried on the trip to the Temple, wishing to go home, hoping that if he called now, his father would see he didn't want to leave.

 **END**


	3. New Home

**New Home**

 **I decided to post this chapter too because I didn't want to leave everyone on just a flashback chapter now that I am posting more. I also cannot promis I will update regularly. I am not very good about that sort of thing.**

 **I just want to be clear about Ben's age. He's 24, while Rey is 19.**

When Kylo woke he was in, undoubtedly, the most pain he had ever been in. His eyes refused to open, clenched tight under the heavy pressure against his skull. It was as if his very skin was tearing away at itself, his organs rupturing, eyes melting, even the thought of talking was like needles in his throat. And yet, he knew there was nothing wrong with him. Was this truly what it felt like for all the non Force Sensitives in the Galaxy?

He would need to move soon. Needed to find out where he was, what he was going to do. He wasn't just the enemy of the resistance now, but also the First Order. The only problem now though was that he did not have the Force to aid him. This is not the first time he's thought this since his decision to spare his father's life and forgo the Trial by Sacrifice. He may have just made the stupidest mistake of his life.

 _No,_ he thought. He may have just doomed himself, cutting himself off from all he's ever known and any help he could have received, but he will not regret his choice, none of them. And what a foolish mistake he's made. He's traded the life of his father for whatever semblance of peace uniting the Galaxy could have brought. Then again, was subjugation truly peace? He had thought so.

He was so unsure of so much now. What was his purpose now that he had abandoned his teachings, his Master, his dream. Was he truly even Kylo Ren anymore? Or was he Ben Solo? He had hoped cutting himself off from the Force would solve this problem but now, it has only made him even more unsure.

Perhaps, he could be sure on something. And that was he could no longer be Kylo Ren, no matter if he wasn't even sure if he was Ben Solo. The name was too synonymous with the violent acts he had committed. He would have to create an identity for himself if he is to hide successfully.

The pain finally began to subside, thankfully and he could move now without feeling like he was being ripped apart. With his return to awareness, he became alert to a dull beeping and the flashing red beyond closed eyes lids. It was an effort to open his eyes. His joints and muscles were tense and ached from the prone position he had been in for who know how long, considering he had been unconscious since his trip began.

He needed to move though, needed to get up, find out where he was and what he planned on doing. He was a Sith, damn it. He could overcome any pain. How many times had his Master beaten him till he was close to death. He did not need rest then and he would not need it now. He knew it was more mental than physical and those of the mind may not be as gruesome as those of the body, but they were always so much more difficult to put back together. He refused to be so weak, though.

His arms were the first to move, testing his mobility. He could hear his bones creak against the changed position, muscles flexing painfully after so long. He stretched both out before moving himself onto his back, taking slow, even breaths to calm fraying nerves. Next were his legs as he stretched fully out then retracted back in on himself, repeating several times before he was comfortable enough before venturing to stand.

It takes him several tries to reach his feet successfully, and to stay on them at that. But he does, if only slightly shaky.

He sees it as an accomplishment either way. Next, he moves to the pilot seat to see what that insufferable beeping is and to stop the blinking red. It's only making his headache worse. It doesn't take him long to find the source, turning both off in rapped succession.

He noticed that the ship had taken him to the ships previous destination, before it was decommissioned and put in the junk pile. It was a backwater planet in the Outer Rim that asked little questions and allowed any sort of person, refugee and criminal alike, to disappear without a trace. It was the perfect planet for him to land on. He could vaguely remember his father telling him about the planet once, but could not quite recall the tale.

It would appear, that for the foreseeable future, Tatooine would be his home. He had never been to a planet only covered in sand before, with two suns. It would be a trying experience he was sure. He had never had to fend for himself, even under Supreme Leader Snoke. Everything was always provided for him, as he was never given too much freedom. Always under the Sith Lord's watchful gaze.

He had no supplies, he realized. No money, or bartering experience. All he had was the junk ship and the clothes on his back.

He grimaced. He would need to find new clothes immediately. Not only would he stick out too much but the heat would very nearly kill him.

A loud siren sounded through the ship, causing the former Sith to nearly fall out of his chair. This was not something he could fix. And he had grown up the son of Han Solo, a man that could fix any ship to the point it was better then when it was first made. But this ship was probably older than his father, and unused for years. There was nothing even he could do to fix the ship. He needed to land. He programmed in the concordances to the nearest life form signatures and prayed to the Force, whether he felt it or not, that the ship doesn't explode before he gets there.

He would be landing in less than ten minutes. He needed to think of a convincing cover, a name, and new clothes. The ones he wore were in fine order and would no doubt be able to trade for another pare quickly. That was one problem down.

A name was next. Certainly not Kylo Ren as he had already decided. Ben, though, was common enough to miss out of the tens of thousands out there. Though Solo would have to be dropped. It was for the best though. He did not quite feel comfortable baring that name. Not yet, at least. Ben, though, he could become accustomed to.

Lastly, a cover story. Refugee would be the basics of it. Escaping from a warring planet. He was not very familiar with any planets undergoing any civil wars, nor was he familiar with interplanetary wars either. He would have to be vague then. It didn't mater what planet he was from. He doubted any would ask. Hell, he could probably say he was escaping destitution on Coruscant and people wouldn't care.

The ship was in it's final landing cycle when Ben decided upon his cover. The landing was less than pleasant but he did not care. The sooner he was off the ship, the better. He may not be a trader, but he knew that this old piece of junk wouldn't sell very well. He would take what he could get though.

The town he spotted was some distance away. If he was judging the distance right, it would be a twenty minute walk, maybe a few minutes more. He first, though, discarded his robe. He almost wished to take off his long sleeved undershirt but knew better. If he didn't want to be severely burnt, it would have to stay. He realized, startling a laugh from himself, that he was too pale for this climate.

He kept on the shawl and hood as protection for his head. He quickly folded the robe, bringing it along to sell. His first step off the ship was met with overwhelming heat. It was nothing he had not encountered before. His journeys had taken him to volcanic planets before. He had just never had the daunting task of getting used to the heat.

Ben didn't waste time though, moving swiftly through the desert sand, already feeling sweat dot his body in most uncomfortable places. Sand was getting everywhere as well, he could already feel it in his boots, his hair, under his shirt. The wind was too dry to be of any comfort. It was more of a nuisance than anything, getting sand in even more unruly places. The sooner he got to town, the sooner he would be ride of these constricting, hot clothes.

With a reluctant sigh, he could tell he was almost there, able to see people moving about much more vividly. The town was large, he noted, and abundantly populated. A perfect place to hide.

When he finally reach the town, his first thought was for a trading shop. But as he looked at the signs above the varying shops, he realized he could not actually read some of them, and the ones he could were mixed with strange symbols that made no sense. His quest just became that much harder. If he still had the Force, all he would have to do is follow his sense. Once again, he was overcome with how impossible it was for non Force Sensitives. How do those people live?

He looked around himself, looking for the first human like creature around, hoping at least they may know basic. Ben grabbed a humanoid man with green freckles decorating his body.

"Excuse me." He says to the man, or what he thinks is a man.

What came back to him though was a serious of clicks and grunts as he pulled his arm free. He tried this several more times, all responding with their own form of dialect.

"You know..." A voice said from behind him, and Ben turned swiftly, relief practically radiating off of him like the sweat soaking his clothes, "Probably everyone you talked to just know knows basic, right?"

In front of him is a man who appears to be the same age as him, a Togruta. His Lekku were long, hanging over his shoulders in a shining gold and pine colored spiral. His skin was a sand dulled red with piercing eyes the swirling color of his Lekku, not a blemish or scar to be seen on any visible skin, which was quite a lot considering he was only wearing baggy shorts.

It took a second for the shock of someone actually talking to him before the words caught up, "What?"

The guy laughed at him, or rather his reaction, "I mean, you scream fresh blood. No one is gonna mess with a freshy like you."

Ben narrowed his eyes at the man facing him, "And you would?"

The guy shrugged, "I can tell you've had a long day." He says, humming appreciatively, "Or maybe longer. So, what do ya need. I'm all ears."

The Togruta walks closer till they are standing nearly a foot apart, a large smile on his face. Though Ben gives him a skeptical look, he does non the less.

"I'm looking for a trading shop." He says briefly, leaving as much as possible out. It was not wise to trust someone from a strange planet that he's barely had a conversation with.

The boy gives him a sideways glance, "Well, what are you looking for? I can't very well just point you to any old shop. Some of these traders are real banthas fodder if you know what I mean."

He laughs. Ben has no idea what he means, "Clothes."

"You planning on staying? Because if you are, I know this great place that trades in real cheap clothes. It's not the best quality but real easy to wash. Or would you rather have cloth. My granny is really good at sewing." Just to shut him up, Ben finally interrupts him.

"Just clothes."

"You know, kid, you don't say much." The other boy says and Ben bristles.

"Don't call me kid. We're practically the same age." He says, his hands turning into fists at his sides.

The man laughs again and shrugs, "I can't ever tell. I'm almost on my twentieth cycle this year. Togruta years are a lot longer. If we weren't going by the standard calendar then, let's see, I'd still be considered a minor. But Tatooine cycles are more closer to a standard year."

"By the gods, just stop talking." Ben begged, his teeth firmly grinned together, "It would be much appreciated if you could point me in the direction of the trading shop."

"Of course!" He says, grabbing Ben's arm and pulling him along.

Ben does try to pull away, but it was not until now that he realized just how weak he was at the moment. The ache in his body had been firmly ignored this whole while, but the effects were too obvious to do the same.

He's pulled for some minutes through the bustling crowd. It is much busier than the outer part of the town, but then that is to be expected. Even as the boy- _man, he should say-_ weaves about expertly through, he never loosens his grip on Ben, guiding him efficiently and quickly through the throng of people.

The Togruta lets go as he pulls them both to a stop, placing his hands on his hips in accomplishment, "Don't you just love helping strangers?"

He really could not tell if the guy was joking with him or not, answering as honestly as he could, "No."

He turns on bare heals, to face him, "My name is Syka by the way."

The Togruta, Syka, waited expectantly and he grudgingly gave the man his name, "Ben."

"Cool. Come on." He grabs Ben's hand again, "Madam Woo hates nosy no goods hanging outside her shop."

He pulls him into the shop, just as stifling as it is outside, just not so overbearing now that he is out of the suns. The room is covered in fabrics of all colors and designs, ranging from fully put together clothes, the rolled fabric for the customer to sew.

"Syka, what are you doing here?" The aged voice of the elderly woman, a race of which he has never seen. Her skin is a dark brown with a long, protruding nose and a glass like eyes in the middle of her face, "Should you not be at lessons, boy?"

 _Lessons?_ Ben thought, didn't he say he was twenty. What lesson's could a man his age need?

"I'm taking a break." He says happily, "I found a friend in need of help."

If not for the woman turning her glassy eye onto him, he would have happily pummeled the bastard for calling him friend in such a casual manner.

But the woman's voice stopped him from raising his clenched fists, "And what, prey tell, can I do for you, child?"

Ben pulls his hand from the other's grip as he steps forward, being away from the other's reach only a small favor, "I'm looking to trade my current clothes for a set more appropriate for this planet."

"Planning to stay, are we? Not a very good choice of planet for little boys running away from home."

Ben tenses at this. Does this woman assume he is a runaway teenager, "I am not!"

"Relax, brat. No one cares where you come from. None of us are quite in the position to judge your lifestyle." If he wasn't so insulted, he would think that was not quite such a bad cover.

"Now let me get a look at that fabric." She tells him, and he is still fuming when he hands over the robe in his hands, "Oh, my."

Her hands are moving at a quick pace as she opens the robe fully, inspecting the entirety in quick movements, "Perhaps I was wrong about where you are running away from."

Ben tenses at her words but says nothing as she continues her ministrations.

"This is quiet expenses fabric, sturdy to a high degree. But not something worn by just anyone. I'll stop there." She says, putting down the robe, "I'm sure I could sell this for a pretty credit to some off world traders. Is the whole outfit for sale?"

"If you will take everything, including the boots." He answers and she nods.

The old woman hobbles out from behind her counter. Ben only now realizes that she was not sitting, only coming to his waist in height. She stares at him with her one eye, then nods to her self, disappearing behind the racks, coming back a second later with several long sleeved tunics. She instructs him to take off his shirt and shawl.

He's reluctant, because he know what is under his clothes, that the long sleeves and gloves cover. He does though, because he needs knew clothes, and he doubts the woman is inclined on inquiring about why his body is more scar than skin. The Togruta on the other hand is another story.

Ben still undresses though from head to waist. The woman stares of course, but says nothing. There is a shuffle of feet behind him, but he does not look, knowing that if he does, there will be a never ending flow of questions. The woman though looks past Ben, a stern look on her face then back to Ben. He takes the shirt the woman offers. It is an off white and fits loosely, but he feels that is how it is suppose to be. He feels weird in the color. Black has been the only color of clothing he's been given since joining the First Order. White just feels wrong, too pure for the sin that weigh on his mind.

"I can give you five shirts and five pants. I can also give you a good pare of boots." She says, and Ben knows, even with his abysmal skills, that his clothes are worth far more, not sure by how much, but he does know that they were expensive to make, "Trust me, kid. You won't get nearly as good a price as I'm giving if you try somewhere else."

"She's right." Syka says from behind, "Bunch of swindling laser brains out there. Madam Woo may be cheap but she's the safest cheap."

She hands him a pare of light brown pants and tells him to change out of the rest of his clothes, directing him to a room in the back.

When he comes back, Syka gives him a brilliant smile, "You look great, like a real native."

She does not hand him the other four shirts and pants though, instead retrieving a satchel from behind her counter, stuffing the clothes inside and along with the boots, hands it to him. He takes it with a thankful nod, donning the shoes after brushing off each foot of the bothersome sand.

He gives his thanks before walking out of the shop, Syka hurriedly at his heels, "Where are we off to next?"

Ben honestly did not know. He could always head back to the ship. See what he could fix, hopefully get the air regulator working properly so he could at lead have a comfortable nights rest. Dusk was not so far away and he was no fool as to leave himself vulnerable to both the elements and to enemies.

"Back to my ship." He answers, "I need to get some repairs done before it gets too dark." And suddenly bright red is invading his vision. Ben hadn't realized how tall the Togruta was. Ben was not short by any means, reaching his father's height at 5'11. But the Togruta must have been over 6' foot.

"You're a mechanic!"

Ben took a step back, giving the man a cross look, "I wouldn't call myself a mechanic. I'm just very good at fixing things."

He smiled, "Do you know how to fix air regulators? Ours has been broken for days. We've can't really find someone who will fix it for for the price we can pay." He nudged the younger boy in front of him, "I did help you find your way around. How 'bout you fix our regulator and we call it even. And I'll even help you find your way around. You can stay over tonight if you really wanna also. Granny wouldn't-"

"If I say yes will you refrain from speaking?" He asked suddenly.

Because honestly, he isn't even sure if he has the right equipment to fix a ship that old and a bed sounds pretty good. He also has no food and no way of getting any. He isn't sure if he could get away with stealing with the lack of the Force. So he agrees out of need.

Sudden Syka was hugging him and Ben froze completely. He had been mildly alarmed by the tiny touches the other had been giving him. But this was too far too fast. To be honest, before his father however many days ago it had, he had not been touched in years, maybe all the way back since he was thirteen. He could remember certain instances, but he has not been hugged since he was a preteen. It was a startling feeling, and he wasn't quite sure if he was comfortable with it. He was not sure about it at all.

All too soon, Syka let go and Ben could have sworn there was some reluctance there on his part but he pushed it aside because he does not actually like this childish man. But this time, he allows Syka to lead him by the hand through the streets. They leave the tight nit buildings behind and entered the more rural part of town with houses spread out and children playing out in the cooling air.

"This is my house." He says, leading them up three steps into a square shaped home, "Granny, I'm home and I brought a guest."

He is lead into the living area of the house beyond the hallway the entrance led into. A beautiful Togruta is sitting on the couch, clearly worn with age. Even now, looking at her beauty, he can just picture how much more it would have been in her younger years. Her skin is the same color as her son's with white and teal Lekku and a simple grey robe dress that hugged her body modestly, reaching the floor.

"Hello." She greets standing up, then pausing, a dazed look overcoming her, before she is back to herself and is smiling at him again, "Please, come in."

"Guess what, granny." He says in excitement, "He's a mechanic. He said he would fix the regulator. For free."

The woman breaths in with a grunt, "You know what I've said about swindling people into doing things for free."

"No, granny! That's not it at all." He's waving his hands in front of him, as if to help convince her he would do no such thing, "I ran into him in town. he just came in and had absolutely no idea what he was doing. I offered to show him around. It's after that I found out he was a mechanic. We agreed we'd call it even if he fixes the air regulator and he can stay the night. His ship is broken and he has nowhere else to go."

"Technically, I had a ship." He says, then turns to the woman, "It's no trouble, ma'am. Though, I'm not technically a mechanic. I'm just good-"

"At fixing things, yeah." Syka interrupts, "See, granny."

"I suppose he isn't actually one of your friends, or a classmate from lessons, is he?" She shakes her head, "Speaking of which, if you were showing this boy around all day, how is it that you were in your lessons?"

He laughs nervously, "Well, I was on my break, but then I ran into Ben and he looked so lost. I just couldn't leave him like that."

"You are one day going to meet the wrong stranger on the street." She shakes her head, and smiles at Ben "Thank you, Ben was it, for agreeing to fix the air regulator. It's been dreadfully hot during the days and freezing during the nights. I know how Syka can be. So I will apologies for him. Well, I'm going to go get dinner started. Syka can show you around."

"It was nice meeting you, ma'am." She nodded and left the room. There was something not quite right about that woman, but she was kind none the less so he would not be an ungrateful host if possible.

Ben turned a questioning gaze to the other, "I thought you said you were twenty. What exactly are these lessons?"

"Ugh!" He groaned, grabbing his head, covering his eyes, "It's not like a school or anything, no universities out this far. It's so stupid. It's a program that some tutors provide in town. They teach us about the star systems and politics and other useless dung."

"It is knowledge one should have in a Galaxy as war torn as this." Ben says offhandedly, having been required to memorize hundreds of star systems in his later teachings with Snoke as a high ranking member of the First Order.

Syka snorts, with a tenseness in his shoulders and a bitter look as he kicks lightly at the floor, "My granny wants me to follow my mom's and grandfathers footsteps. They were, I don't know, Senators or representatives or something. My grandfather died a real long time ago, never met him. My mom was barely ever around, then just never came home. I barely even knew her."

And there is where the bitterness lies. Ben doesn't ask, partly because he doesn't want to know and also because he doubts he will like the answer. Ben can understand this, the dangers of being a politition in the New Republic. After all, he had only just recently helped to destroy the Hosnian System that housed the capital of the New Republic. A devastating blow, even with the destruction of the Starkiller base.

After a brief pause, Syka continued, "She says if my tutor agree, I can go the the inner ring to get more training."

Ben refrained from telling the other about that being utterly impossible, considering the turmoil that is possibly the result of resent battles.

But Ben could recognize that tone, the same he always had when thinking on his family and decides instead, "I was sent away from my mother and father when I was very young."

Syka jerks slightly at this and when he speaks, he has true fear in his voice, "Really, why? Who would willingly send their kids away?"

He looked down at his gloved hands, thinking of all the damage he had done as a child, so ill tempered and easy to anger, the Force flowing without his command. He still felt anger and grief, but no outlet to release his emotions. Except for the Togruta next to him. So he does.

"I didn't want to be what they wanted me to be and I fought them the whole way. It turned out far worse, I realized after." He says, evading Syka's questions and keeping out as much personal detail as were possible but it is enough, "It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't their fault though. They just wanted what was best for me, what they felt would keep me safe. Perhaps, that is what your grandmother feels she is doing."

"I suppose, but I'm grown, and I know what I wanna do for the rest of my life." There was a dreamy smile on his face now, "I'm gonna be a professional Podracer. I'm going to travel the Galaxy and get sponsors and be famous."

"A...Podracer?" Ben asked hesitantly, and yes, he was regretting asking now that he sees the look on his face.

"Come on, I'll tell you on the way. You've got a regulator to fix." He says, walking through several more doors, then down a flight of stairs, "It's right over there. We've got some tools around here somewhere."

He begins to open drawers in the desk across the room, in boxes on the floor, and cabinets connected to the walls. He does bring back a handful of tools. It would do, Ben supposed, taking them from the older man. He wasted no time on getting started, opening the front panel and getting his first look inside.

"So, Podracing is this super cool, fast paced race, with Podracers. Obviously. But its so much more. It's practically a religion here. Some really big names have also come to race in the games. The Hutts control most of the big annual races and most of the gambling as well. Some of the wealthier folks bet like crazy and on some good years, they can make a poor man richer than imaginable."

Syka said this as if in a daze, hands motioning in nonsensical movements of his hands. "I would give anything to be in the games. I heard Parro Reez was coming in all the way from Coruscant just to race. Coruscant, can you believe it. He's on tour right now in the core worlds at the moment. But he's definitely coming this year. Because his tour ends this month and the next one doesn't start until another two months and the preliminary games are next month."

Honestly, Ben got none of what Syka just said. Because while Podracing may be the Togruta's hobby, Ben was a Solo, and a Skywalker, taking things apart and putting them back together was in his blood. He could completely lose himself in the feel of grease on his shirt and a wrench in hand. So while Syka is rambling to himself, Ben's only thoughts are on his work.

"Wiring's all wrong." He mumbles, "Too much power to the couplings, wrong bolt. Amateurs."

The two stay like this for the next hour, not really paying any mind to the other, both off in their own minds. When Ben finally stands, shutting the panel and flips the switch, Syka finally stops talking and stares in awe as the air finally begins to pump through the house.

"Wow, you actually did it!" He says, "I wasn't sure for a while there but you pulled through. And holy bantha fodder! What did you do to that thing because that is the freshest air I've ever felt our regulator let out."

Ben stopped himself from wiping his hands on his white shirt and shrugs, "The wiring was all jacked and connected to way too much. The constant over heating is what took out the air regulator to begin with. Just had to fix the couplings' connections and switch around a few riggings."

Syka stares at him in confused shock, and for the second time that day, gives Ben a hug. And just like last time, he is completely taken off guard, yet again too shocked to do much.

"Let's go get you cleaned up. Granny should be done with dinner soon."

They both shower and Ben is grateful. He's been in far worse shape then just a little sweat before, remembering more than once being covered in worse, remembering his time during the Sith Academy, being covered in another Acolytes blood from head to toe. He hadn't been able to wash till hours after and the blood already dried and hardened. It was one of his worst memories, and the first time he had ever killed. He had been praised, though, encouraged to continue and fight for his place at his Master's side.

"Are you alright?" He looked up as he slipped on a clean pare of clothes. There is something attune to worry in his voice.

He nodded, "I'm fine. Just some bad memories."

Syka had his mouth open to speak before a call came telling them both it was time for dinner. They both head to the kitchen, Ben following after Syka.

It is a nice setting in the kitchen, with a small table pushed against a wall. Syka's Grandmother is already sitting, waiting for them, a warm smile on her face. The food smells delicious and he only now realizes that he hasn't had a home cooked meal since just after he turned ten. He hadn't realized this was one of the things he would miss the most and it was. It smelled too good to be true. And when the woman told them to dig in, he did, savoring every bite he could.

"Ben, why don't you tell us a little about yourself." The Togruta woman asked.

He froze. He was becoming accustomed, barely a day spent with the other male and he was already sharing dinner, with his grandmother of all things. He should have been expecting the question. One does not simply let a stranger into their without wondering about them. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.

"I enjoy fixing things." He said simply, taking another bight of food.

Syka nudged him in the solder gently, "We already know that. You're the first new person we've actually had over in awhile."

"It is also very interesting." She says playfully where he stopped, "Because he is always off to the market place to meet strangers but your the first he's brought home."

It was Ben's turn to give the other a strange look. Syka crumpled up his nose.

"It's not like that. It just." He says in a rush, giving his grandmother an offended look, "Ya see, I had this dream once." He's staring at Ben as if this is some great secret, "Of meeting someone who will change my destiny, a complete stranger that I meet off the streets."

Ben nodded slowly, swallowing the mouthful painfully, knowing what the other was saying "A vision you mean?"

"I think. That's what it felt like. And when I saw you in the market place today, I just felt an instant connection. And now that I've met you, I'm absolutely sure it's you." Ben wanted to rebuff the older man but Syka's grandmother spoke before he could.

"Syka, dear, would you mind going to set up the spare room for Ben." She looks to him, "If you're still hungry then keep eating."

Syka leaves the room as Ben nods and takes another scoop of the meat and noodle dish, "Thank you, Miss-uh," and he realizes that he never asked for her name and he's blushing.

She chuckles at his blunder, "My name is Ahsoka Bonteri."

He smiles sheepishly at her, "Right, sorry. Thank you Miss Bonteri."

"Ahsoka is fine." The woman, Ahsoka, says, "Despite his age, Syka is stile very young. His Power over the Force is very weak." Ben's head shoot up to meet her steady gaze, "He is a late bloomer and is still learning. I do not expect him to be more than just a Force Sensitive. Maybe if he had proper training, though."

"I-I don't under-"

She interrupts, "I'm sure you don't. We all have pasts, Ben. There are many things I would wish to change as I am sure there is much you wish to change."

Her gaze was haunting, speaking of trials that even he had not crossed, would not want to cross. There was a ghost following her every move, one that followed Ben as well.

"I do not expect anything from you. After all, people come here looking for a new start." She gets up from the table after Ben finishes eating, taking the plates to the sink, "You are welcome in my home for as long as you would like. I have enough room and enough money. Of course, you will need to find yourself a job. I already have one bum in the house."

"It's not a new start I have come here for." He says after much consideration, knowing that if he is to stay here, he at least owes this women something. He has thought back on the day's events and realizes that old woman's words were truer than he would have liked, "I'm being selfish. I am running away from my problems rather than face them and hurting many people."

She stays quiet as she continues to wash the dishes, waiting for him to collect his thoughts. He feels more comfortable opening up the Ahsoka, more so than her grandson. This woman has a calmness about her that reminds him of his mother. It is as if he can tell her anything and she will accept him no matter what.

"I've left everything behind to figure out just who I am. What I want from what little I have left." He tells her gently, "I did not lie when I said my name was Ben but I have gone by a different one for so long that neither of them feel like me anymore." He finishes almost in a daze and stands, "Thank you for allowing me into your home, Miss Ahsoka."

She turns back around smiling brightly at him, "You're welcome. And if you ever feel like you want to stop hiding, just know that one's destiny is never set in stone. I had certainly never imagined I would be the grandmother of a beautiful grandson and wife and mother to a loving husband and daughter that I will never forget. No matter what happened in your past, there is always forgiveness."

He nods, but knows in his heart that whatever forgiveness is out there, it's not for him. He's done far too much evil, even under the pretense of peace, to be forgiven. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons why he did not follow his father and the others. They offered their forgiveness too freely, hastily hoping for their son to return because that is all they saw him as. Not the bloodthirsty Sith who's killed millions of innocent people. How could they possibly see him as Ben Solo, that boy from so long ago and not Kylo Ren, a genocidal maniac, a man who has been hunting them down for years.

But when Ahsoka smiles at him, unable to see or feel his inner turmoil, he smiles right back. When Syka comes back for him, Ben follows him to the room he will be staying in. When he is alone, and the others have already gone to bed, he cries himself silently to sleep, hating himself all the more and when he dreams, he dreams of death.

 **END**


End file.
